Tuesday, November 29, 2011


I'm having problems with my head. Perhaps, noting the title and content of my last entry in The Buddha Diaries I've been thinking too much! The physical symptoms are disorientation and dizziness, a brain stuffed with cotton wool, a sense of emptiness and disconnection. Otherwise, I'm gloomier than usual, and lacking motivation. More disturbing, I find myself lacking in my usual confidence. I normally have a kind of clarity that guides me as I write, a reliable sense of direction, a trust in the words and where they lead me. The past couple of days, I have been so filled with doubt that I have not wanted at all to sit down and write. It's certainly not subject matter that I lack. Indeed, the opposite is true: I'm backlogged with promises I have made to myself. And yet yesterday I took not one but two long naps. I read a really mindless thriller. I watched stuff on television. I avoided anything that looked like work. This morning, I tried getting back to the question of rebirth; the results are, so far, pitiful. I dislike this feeling of incompetence. The best thing I can do, I suppose, is to wait it out, with a mix of curiosity and tolerance; and, please, without self-pity! Have a laugh about it. Breathe. Surely, as all things change, it will go away!


eva said...

I think we all are going through the feeling of motivetedness time to time in our creative life.
You did the best thing by sleeping longer and reading silly novels.
Very soon things will change to the best.
I'm thinking about the after-life quite often as I'm getting old. Both of my parents were spiritualists after the war and they made a huge mistake to allow me into the seances. It added even more harm and fear to my young life. I have so many stories to tell you about it, but I'm a slow writer so i hope that we'll see each other sometimes not too long away and we can discuss it.

PeterAtLarge said...

Thanks, Eva! I look forward to hearing those stories.

CHI SPHERE said...

It's just after the holidays and often the blues set in to haunt us. Your life has been very full and with Luka and the build up to his birth a great deal of energy has been spent reaching out which can often empty the body and mind of critical energy.

Breathing and rest is a good thing so a few naps and a bit of wooly sleep is a good thing.