Tuesday, November 29, 2011
I'm having problems with my head. Perhaps, noting the title and content of my last entry in The Buddha Diaries I've been thinking too much! The physical symptoms are disorientation and dizziness, a brain stuffed with cotton wool, a sense of emptiness and disconnection. Otherwise, I'm gloomier than usual, and lacking motivation. More disturbing, I find myself lacking in my usual confidence. I normally have a kind of clarity that guides me as I write, a reliable sense of direction, a trust in the words and where they lead me. The past couple of days, I have been so filled with doubt that I have not wanted at all to sit down and write. It's certainly not subject matter that I lack. Indeed, the opposite is true: I'm backlogged with promises I have made to myself. And yet yesterday I took not one but two long naps. I read a really mindless thriller. I watched stuff on television. I avoided anything that looked like work. This morning, I tried getting back to the question of rebirth; the results are, so far, pitiful. I dislike this feeling of incompetence. The best thing I can do, I suppose, is to wait it out, with a mix of curiosity and tolerance; and, please, without self-pity! Have a laugh about it. Breathe. Surely, as all things change, it will go away!